Faith (wickedslayer) wrote in skitzosunnydale,
Faith
wickedslayer
skitzosunnydale

There were only so many cigarettes to smoke, only so many beers to drink, only so many vamps to stake. Wasn't like I had anything else to do. Xander won't even look me in the eye since B kicked the bucket. He blamed me for it, not that he would say that but it was clear as day in the way he'd been treating me around here.

I know he probably thinks that I don't care. It's just the way I am, ya know? 'Sides I'm a slayer, we don't exactly have a long lifespan, I get that. B died saving the world, and I totally give her props for that but now I'm gonna live my life. What the hell else am I supposed to do, sit around and get broody with it like Soul Boy? I don't fuckin' think so. I got busted out of jail for a reason, now I'm the only slayer 'round these parts. Gotta move on and do my job, gotta slay. I mean, isn't that what Buff would want anyways?

It's not like she's the first person in my life to up and die on me. Actually it's sort of the story of my life, ya know? Difference was, this time I wasn't gonna freak out and go all psycho on everyone.

But mostly I just wanted to cover up the fact that Xander was hurting my feelings by ignoring me. Yeah, that's just great. I spent some time coolin' my jets in the state Pen and now I'm gettin' all soft. Fuck that. I'm not gonna let these people get to me. They were B's homies, not mine. They've made that more than wicked obvious.

Sitting down at the counter in the kitchen I started writing Xander a note on a piece of scrap paper.


Xand,
Hey let's see if I can remember enough from grade school English to write this. First off I just gotta say I'm wicked bad with this whole share thing. But the truth is I care about you, maybe you'll use that against me later but that's cool. I can handle it.
Truth is you blame me for B's death. I don't really blame you, but you gotta believe that it wasn't what I wanted. Even back in the day when I was tryin' to kill her I never really wanted her dead. Me and Buff always had an understanding, call it the slayer connection or whatever but it was there. Even when we weren't gettin along we still got eachother ya know?
Anyways, before I start gettin all sappy and lame on your ass let me just say that I think I might love you. Maybe you don't believe that I can, hell I sometimes don't think I can. But there it is.
I don't blame you if you can't love me back, especially after everything that happened.
I just wanted you to know that.
I think I'm gonna stick around for awhile. Hellmouth needs a slayer, besides that I got no where else to go. I don't wanna stick around here and cramp your style specially if I'm not wanted.
I'll be at the Sunnyd Motor Inn if you need me.

F



Leaving the note on the counter, I grabbed the duffel bag near the door and headed outside into the bright California sunshine. I was alone again, just like I'd always been.
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